a Ravenclaw at heart.
Helped by xoxo
why do i keep attracting friends that are only inclined to be heard and carries the tendency to throw mini tantrums on me? I am such a pushover.
its either something serious is wrong with me, or, this is just part of friendship at the age of 30.
It's scary, how a kind colleague u first got to know changed after few weeks of constant lunch dates.
How she starts to show a darker side inside of her. o.O
we covet for so many things, people and circumstances in life.
so much so that we lost sight of those we were already given with.
Oh you cheating heart.
had a glimpse of Mandarin Oriental Hotel on the way back from central KL city.
reminded of the disasterous one night hotel stay we had back in high school with our parents. The way he flaunts the free one night voucher with much ego, how we were forced to follow his flow of schedules and feed his pride with our obedience. How supressed and unhappy that trip was. How unhappy everyone was. The sense of relief that i no longer have to endure the same events from him.
he will always remain as the unchangeable, twisted nightmare of mine.
돌아왔다.
내일 의사를보고 너무 무서워.아무도 모른다.
누군가를 말할 수 없다.
Can i Giant now pls...
Its 10pm..but...
Me wan buy grapes.. they hv the cheapest grapes in town...cheap n fresh..
Zzzzz...
Oh grapes...
Zzzzzz.......
feeling immensely happy.
so thankful that my sis invited me to the KingdomCity dinner event and Stephie encouraged me to attend.
it was so awesome. The people were awesome, food was awesome, message was awesome, games were awesome, most importantly, God was definitely there. The atmosphere, the God-filled atmosphere, was such fragrance that i had no other choice but to be affected by it and brought it home with me.
felt the heavy cloud got lifted up a little from me.
i will sleep extra well tonight.
knowing i gained a little more extra strength, a little more insights.
I am doing nth right now. I wonder what the rest of the world is doing...
I tot of doing sewing tonight, i still had to fix up the zipper of the black bareback lacey dress.. but i am just too tired to move :S though i miss being completely at ease when im sewing, i dun remember work, i dun remember anything that usually clouds my mind not even the hot weather, i just feel ultra content and yippie that no thoughts of loneliness or sadness plagues my mind at all... (Nom always make passing remarks when he observes me sew : "你缝衣服时真的最开心")
U know how ppl always say you should be doing smthing that puts u at ease, makes u comfie n confident for the rest of ur life? Sometimes i feel that i found that thing.. but turning it into a career n depending on it for food, im not entirely sure hehehe, there are quite too many constraints as of right now hehe.. oh tummy, if only u dun need constant feeding~~
its 2:22am. And i just couldn't say goodnight to Friday without writing this blog.
I did not shed a single tear when I saw her lying in the coffin.
Honestly, I felt happy for her, she wanted liberation from her suffering, she didn't want to continue her life, we should be happy for her shouldn't we? She got what she wanted, just through a very foolish and selfish way.
I felt sad and the realisation of her departure only struck me when i occasionally have flashbacks of the times we spent together. Apart from that, I don't feel sad, most of the time i feel disappointed, concerned for the living and angry, somewhat.
We all know funerals are held for the living people. When i saw my snow sister broke down in painful tears after taking the first look at the coffin, the weight of that statement struck me.
I was concerned.
She was liberated from her suffering, she got what she wanted. But she left clouds and shadows of depression upon all of us. Its as if she passed on her sadness and depression. She made it even easier or possible for the people who knew her, who are also suffering from severe depression, to follow her footsteps.
Selfish.
She wasn't the only one suffering from depression honestly. There are tons and millions of people suffering from depression everyday. Its a first world issue. We all carry a certain weight of depression in us, just the matter of severity.
You can't say that you had enough of it. How can you? It would contradict the very foundation of God's grace being sufficient for your everyday needs. That's if you believe in it, still.
You fight back. You step back, take a moment, focus on happy things, engage with human beings and let them pull you back up to the surface, and you fight back.
And the same thing happens again when it strikes back.
You are never done with fighting depression. You just get stronger with every instance you managed to overcome it.
You accumulate experience, you gather confidence and strength. Bit by bit. You fight back.
The battle doesn't end. But you get stronger. Or you try, at least.
Utter selfishness.
All the young people who looked up to her, i bet they all feel shocked, disbelief and even betrayed?
She was so cool, she was so capable, she achieved so much but yet she couldn't make it, how can I then? Im not as good as her. Even she can't pull through, how can i?
how much of such thoughts are going through the younger ones' minds now.
雪莹and i signed up for KPOP dance class!!
the fee is reasonable, RM80 per class (i bet there is going to be one off registration fees n etc, but the monthly fee is ok), but the studio's location is Setapak though
*excited*
雪莹 if youre reading this, i bet ure excited too!
有梦就要追.001
2 out of 7 days a week i think that my dreams are unachievable
1 out of 7 days a week i strongly feel that my dreams will come true
4 out of 7 days a week i determined my will to make my dreams come true
those 4 days will be the critical success factors for realizing my dreams..
(Walao cant believe i still remember CSFs from ACCA P5.. 还没完全退毒)
是纠结的
没有他就没有我
有他的软弱就有我的软弱
是纠结的
尽孝换来的无痈是他的束缚和扭曲的劝告
告诉自己, 跟自己再次确认
抽离
再确定不过了, 这最好的决定
我应该选择的是她,还是自己